Heat the Pig Liver - Volume 2: Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – Curiosity in Moderation

I don’t think there’s anything more pointless than writing about an otaku offline meeting, so I’ll just summarize the situation up to this point.

 

I became a pig when I arrived in Mestria, a country of sword and magic, and embarked on a grand oinking adventure to reach its capital with a cute, angelic blonde girl called Jess.  But after our journey, I reluctantly parted from her and went back to modern-day Japan.

 

When I returned, I resumed being an ordinary otaku and even started to believe that the matters regarding Mestria and Jess were but simply a dream.

 

However, it was by no means a dream.

 

Because I met three glasses otakus that claimed to have also experienced being transported to Mestria as pigs.

 

It’s a bad habit of otakus that we call each other by our handles instead of our actual names.

 

Let me introduce them to you.

 

The first guy is Sanon, he’s a mechanical engineer.  He’s bearded man in his thirties, and is particularly fond of anime that feature young girls.  He’s a kind but perverted otaku.

 

Next is Kento, he attends a prestigious private boys’ high school.  His original handle is †The Dark Knight Who Dances Till His Demise† keNto, but let’s not delve into that.  Putting aside the uniqueness of his handle, he’s just an ordinary, proper otaku.

 

Lastly, there’s Hiropon, a female medical student.  I won’t get into her dangerous-sounding name, but she’s someone that likes social games, tends to laugh a lot, and is a princess-like otaku.

>TL Note: Hiropon (Philopon) is the brand name for methamphetamine in Japan…

 

By the way, my handle is Loli Pork.  To avoid any kind of misunderstanding, I’d like to clarify how I got this name.  I’m neither a young girl, nor pork chops.  I’m just an insignificant science college student.  When I wrote my oinking adventures in Mestria into a slightly naughty, flirtatious, fantasy in another world novel and posted it online, I changed my Twitter handle to “Scrawny Pork,” but it got shortened at some point and became “Loli Pork.”  Lately, that got condensed further into “Lolipo,” and this strange abbreviation seems to have slowly been adopted by my readers.

>TL Note: ヒョロガリポーク (hyorogari pork) → ロリポーク (rori pork) → ロリポ (roripo)

 

Also, regarding the slightly naughty, flirtatious, fantasy in another world story, now that I know Mestria is real, I privated the novel online to protect the royal dynasty’s secrets.  As a final tribute, I sent it in to a certain newcomer award contest, but its title is quite strange, so I doubt it’ll win anything.

>TL Note: Fourth wall break.  Heat the Pig Liver won the 26th Dengeki Novel Prize “Gold Award” and didn’t get its title changed when it was published.

 

But I digress.

 

Sanon couldn’t forget about his experience in Mestria, so he used his extraordinary searching skills and the power of parfaits to call upon his kindreds, which led to us four glasses otakus gathering.  After several meetings, we drafted a plan to be transferred back to Mestria.

 

And today is the day we execute that plan.

 

…You’re wondering how we’re going to be transferred?  Well everyone, no need to rush me.

 

We glasses otakus put our heads together, combined our knowledge, deduced the principle behind transferring to Mestria, and crafted a plan based on it.

 

Fundamentally, we believe that the transferring of otakus began because of me.  When my consciousness was brought to Mestria, it seems like some kind of magic trace was left behind.  Ever since then, if a nerdy glasses-wearing otaku lost consciousness at the station where I collapsed from a stomach ache, the unusual incident of that person’s consciousness possessing a pig from Mestria would occur.  The result is that Hiropon, Sanon, and Kento were transferred there.  And when their pigs died, they returned to modern Japan.

 

To put it simply, if we pass out somewhere near the station again, our consciousness might be brought over to Mestria!

 

Here’s the plan:

 

Hiropon’s father actually owns the large hospital near the station in question.  We were all taken to that hospital the last time we each were transferred, so we’re going to take advantage of that fact.

 

We’ll be doing whatever it takes.  Hiropon will threaten her father to re-examine his patients, who, like her, have been unconscious for an abnormally prolonged period of time.  Under that pretext, the three of us, excluding her, will be each provided a bed.  Hiropon will then use a genuine stun gun that Sanon procured via suspicious means to make sure we faint.  If we’re able to arrive in Mestria without any problems and not wake up, her father will be held responsible for taking care of us.  This is the strategy we came up with.

 

As a side note, it seems like Hiropon was transferred to Mestria soon after I got food poisoning, but because she didn’t have fond memories of there and didn’t want to leave her younger sister, who had an uncertain future due to her incurable disease, she won’t be participating in this re-transfer.  However, she’s a key person, as she agreed to and willingly became the cornerstone of our unreasonable plan.

 

“Are you ready, Mr. Lolipo?”

 

While wearing a pair of rubber gloves and holding the stun gun, Hiropon looked down at me lying on the bed.  She had a gentle expression on her short bob hairstyle and red-glasses-wearing face; it didn’t suit what she was about to do.

 

“Yeah, thanks.”

 

I squeezed my eyes shut, pressed the side of my head against the pillow, and only thought about one thing.

 

─Jess.

 

Will I be able to see you?

 

None of the three who have transferred to Mestria after me have seen, nor heard of any news regarding Jess.  That’s not surprising since she’s at the closed off capital.  Her happy life as a relative of the king should be just starting.

 

Darkness enveloped my eyelids, darkening my vision further.  I felt something press against the back of my neck.

 

Jess.

 

Is it alright for me to meet you?

 

Is it okay for a scrawny four-eyed shitty virgin like me to step back into such a wonderful girl’s life again…?

 

 

“You can’t…”

 

I heard the voice of a girl speaking Mestria’s language.

 

I woke up.  The pain was only momentarily.  As I wondered where I was, I looked at my surroundings.

 

It was a dim place.  I felt mud on my cheeks.  When I inhaled, the pigpen’s mixture of scents stroked my olfactory epithelium.  This means…

 

“Stop, if you lick that much, I’m going to be all sticky…”

 

I listened to the voice that came from beyond the haystack and stood up.  Looking at my feet, I saw two split pink hooves.  It was a nostalgic feeling.

 

Although it’s weird to be able to say this, I turned into a pig without a hitch.  After three months, I’ve succeeded in becoming a pig in Mestria again.  Be it my color vision or body senses, everything seems to be as perfectly adapted as they were back when Jess healed me.  Her magic appears to still be in effect.

 

I trotted on all fours towards the direction of the voice, and the first thing I saw was a large black pig.  A slender girl in a dark brown one-piece dress was sitting on some hay, and the black pig was licking her cheeks like a dog.

 

“Ah… it tickles… not the neck… hya…”

 

“Oink oink…”

 

That pig and girl’s playful voices resounded through the pigpen.

 

Uh, what’s going on here?  What am I looking at right now?

 

The girl that was being preyed on by the black pig suddenly looked at me.  She had short blonde hair, a slender neck, a small face, and large eyes.  On the corner of her right eye was a tear mole, and around her neck was a dimly glowing silver collar.

 

“Snort.”

 

I tried to speak and ended up making an otaku noise.  Right, I forgot.

 

(…You’re Celes, right?)

 

I used parentheses to indicate that this was my dialogue and silently conveyed it to her.  The other party is the same race as Jess, a Yesma – it’s a race that can communicate via their thoughts without using their mouths or ears.  She serves the innkeeper lady who ran the inn at the first village Jess and I had stopped by during our journey.

 

Celes, who gave the impression of being a timid girl, and whose cheeks were wet from pig saliva, appeared a little surprised.  The black pig immediately settled down dejectedly.

 

Celes finally opens her mouth.

 

“Erm… you’re from back then…”

 

(Yeah.)

 

“Mr. Shitty Virgin, right?”

 

……

 

Well, she’s not wrong, so I’ll let it go.

 

(That’s right.  I’m the scrawny four-eyed shitty virgin that was with Jess.  Long time no see.)

 

The black pig that was observing the situation turned his head towards Celes.  She nodded at him.

 

“Yes.  The Mister Pig over there is also…  Right, that seems to be the case.”

 

The black pig’s mouth was half open, making an obvious “oh fuck” expression.  Ah, I see.

 

(Sorry for asking you a favor so soon after my greetings, Celes, but do you mind relaying our thoughts?  I have something I want to say to that black pig.)

 

Yesmas can relay other people’s thoughts like a router.  That’s why, as long as a Yesma is around, even people who have turned into pigs that can only oink are able to communicate with each other.

 

“Erm… Understood.”

 

Celes nodded at me.  I stared straight at the black pig that had stopped moving and bluntly asked him a question.

 

(Why were you so eagerly licking a thirteen-year-old girl, Mr. Sanon?)

 

……

 

The black pig didn’t respond.

 

(Admit it, Mr. Sanon.  I can tell it’s you even if you’re pretending to be a pig.)

 

─Y-you’re wrong, oink…

 

I heard the guy’s voice in my head.  His verdict: Guilty.

 

(How could I be wrong, oink?)

 

─No, um, it’s a misunderstanding.  It was an accident.

 

The black pig acted suspiciously while pleading with me.

 

(Mind explaining to me how any of that was an accident?)

 

─I didn’t do it on purpose.  My tongue just accidentally touched her a little, I definitely wasn’t licking her eagerly…

 

Do you really think it’s possible to accidentally lick a girl until her face is all sticky and wet?

 

(No matter how you look at it, there’s no way this was on the level of just an accident.)

 

I looked at Celes.  Her fine strands of short hair were clinging to her face due to pig saliva.  She had a troubled expression as she smiled with an “Ehe.”

 

─It’s that thing.  You know, a pig’s habits…

 

It’s an excuse that I heard from somewhere else before, and it left me dumbfounded, so I gave up arguing.

 

(There’s a lot I want to say, but… for the time being, it looks like we managed to arrive in Mestria without any issues.)

 

As I conveyed that, the black pig’s ears twitched.

 

─That’s true…  Although I was certain that Mr. Lolipo would’ve been transferred to where Jess-taso was…

 

This incoherently speaking black pig was Sanon.

 

I was told that this lolicon bastard was previously transferred near Celes.  Since she was here this time around as well when he was transferred, it’s reasonable for him to assume that I, who was transferred near Jess last time, would also be where Jess is this time too.  For some reason, the situation where I also arrived close to Celes was outside of his expectations.

 

Of course, this was unexpected for me as well.

 

I wasn’t transferred to Jess’ side.  I won’t be able to meet her just yet…

 

Well, it can’t be helped.  It’s not like my purpose for coming back was so I could wholeheartedly lick Jess-taso.  And of course, it’s also not so I could lick Celes-taso.  I returned to Mestria because I had left behind some unfinished business.

 

According to Sanon and the others when I was eating my parfait during the offline meeting in Japan, the situation in Mestria had completely changed after I left, and it was thrown into an unprecedented chaos.  It was during this time that a hero stepped forward to save the Yesmas who have been forced to bear such cruel fates.

 

It was none other than the handsome huntsman, Nott.

 

We came back to help Nott and save the Yesma girls.

 

So I didn’t return for the sake of enjoying a flirtatious fantasy story with Jess.  Honestly.  You all believe me, right?  Who’d want to get all lovey-dovey again with a cute blonde girl whom they had a tearful goodbye with?  It’s not like I’m an otaku that has fallen in love.  It would be nice if we were to meet – that’s the extent I’m willing to admit.  Well, with any luck, we’ll probably meet each other again somewhere in this country.

 

I felt a gaze on me and turned around before realizing Celes was watching me.  The air in the dim pigpen felt suffocatingly stagnant.

 

At this time, I still didn’t know how many twists and turns were on the path to being reunited with Jess.

 

 

We checked the other pigs one by one, but Kento, who should have arrived with us, was nowhere to be found.  Although I was concerned about where he could have gone, we had to worry about ourselves first.  It’s good that a familiar face found us, but the place we woke up in was Bapsas, the village where I met Celes for the first time.  It’s a peaceful village nestled in the southern forest, far from the frontstage of Mestria.  Let alone Jess, even Nott was no longer here.

 

Our first objective was to borrow Celes’ strength and reunite with Nott.  That was the plan.

 

…But before that, we had something else to take care of.  We pigs were covered in mud.  And even though we’re pigs, as the bare minimum etiquette for receiving skinship with a cute girl, we had to keep our bodies as clean as possible.

 

Therefore, we decided to have Celes lead us to a stream to take a bath.  It was autumn season in Mestria – the grass had withered and turned golden yellow, glistening under the afternoon sun.

 

Jess and I had arrived at the capital three months ago during the summer when the greenery was still lush.

 

I was told that on that day, after Nott separated from us at the Forest of Needles surrounding the capital, he successfully killed the muscular guy whom he held a grudge against.

 

“But Mr. Nott didn’t immediately return.”

 

Celes dipped just her feet into the stream as she scooped up some water with her hands and carefully washed her nape while explaining.

 

“I heard he was attacked by assassins on the way back…”

 

We discussed Mestria’s current state of affairs while washing ourselves.

 

(It sounds like the big guy that Nott killed was an important figure in the underworld.)

 

“Yes.  It seems like even the royal dynasty kept tabs on him as he was the leader of the underworld.  He was known as En the Dismemberer and was very influential.  That’s why Mr. Nott ended up being chased by those from the underworld.”

>TL Note: King of Hell (Enma) - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yama_(Buddhism)

 

You’re quite familiar with this, I thought.

 

While bathing in the water, Sanon the black pig conveyed this to us.

 

─No-kun continued to flee while avoiding the ruffians’ relentless pursuit, but running away wasn’t all he did.  During his escape travels, he gathered companions that also hated the Yesma hunters and would sometimes fight against his pursuers…  After overcoming many deadly battles, he became a household name as a hero in less than a month.

 

The battles between Nott and his assassins would engulf their surroundings and end up rapidly escalating the situation.

 

While I was doing my otaku activities when I returned to Japan, that handsome guy was accomplishing an unbelievable feat behind the scenes.  Why was there such a wide gap between us?  Complacency and difference in environment…

 

(Nott formed the Liberation Army after that, right?)

 

When I confirmed it with Celes, she nodded.

 

“After the battles became evenly matched and the situation stabilized, Mr. Nott finally returned here.  But during this time, the underworld’s actions became more and more radical… so to push back against it, he founded the Liberation Army.”

 

A single attack from a young man can lead to a massive conflict that involves the entire country.

 

Perhaps the gathering of the underworld’s forces was brought about in an attempt to kill Nott.  In the northern region, which was already a hotbed of ruffians, a gem merchant by the name of Arogan proclaimed himself to be the new king and declared independence from the royal dynasty’s ruling.  The northern region is now under the control of the Northern Forces, which is comprised of underworld ruffians.

 

And Nott, being who he is, formed the Liberation Army to fight for the Yesmas with the support of his comrades and the populace.  As a result, the three forces in Mestria – the royal dynasty, the Northern Forces, and the Liberation Army, were in a deadlock, creating a three-way standoff situation.

 

(That’s when Mr. Sanon arrived.)

 

The black pig turned to face us.

 

─Yeah.  I collapsed from overwork, and when I woke up, I met an angelic lo-… girl, and discovered I became a pig.  That’s how we met, Cele-tan, right?

 

When the black pig snuggled up against Celes, she shyly petted him.  His tail danced with joy.

 

“Yes.  Mr. Sanon listened to my selfish wish and came with me to where Mr. Nott-, no, where the Liberation Army was.  After that, we acted as members of the Liberation Army for a while.”

 

I often heard Sanon talk about those times, and how he made full use of his little grey cells to support Nott as a member of the Liberation Army.  Of course, judging by his unusual expression of affection towards Celes, his mind wasn’t the only thing that was active.  I had no doubts about him having thoroughly enjoyed his life in another world with a girl that was less than half his age…

>TL Note: “Little grey cells” is a phrase from the fictional detective Hercule Poirot.

 

However, his activities ended in under a month.

 

(During this time, there was the battle at the Rocklands, right?)

 

Celes hung her head with a gloomy expression.

 

“Yes.  The Liberation Army lost the battle against the Northern Forces and everyone was scattered.”

 

Her eyes slowly shifted towards the black pig.

 

“I thought for sure Mr. Sanon died in the battle at the Rocklands, but…”

 

─The pig certainly died, but my consciousness was able to return to Mestria.  No matter how many times this body may die, my soul will forever follow Cele-tan, so everything’s alright!

 

The black pig shook his body to fling off the water.  It didn’t seem like he was alright to me.

 

Well, whatever.  Let’s return to the subject at hand.

 

(Hey, Celes.  Nott was captured during the battle at the Rocklands, right?)

 

She slowly nodded at my question.

 

“Yes.  Mr. Nott is currently being held captive by the Northern Forces…  I heard he’s been forced to become an arena gladiator.”

 

It’s the same as what the Dark Knight Who Dances-, correction, what Kento explained before.

 

After Sanon returned to Japan, Kento appeared to have inhabited the body of a pig being raised by a Yesma called Nuris near the Northern royal castle.  While Nott became a slave for the people’s entertainment and his life was being toyed with, the Northern royal castle attempted to enlist Nuris.  But when the Dark Knight Who Dances Till His Demise stood up against them, he was killed and sent back to Japan.

 

He then met Sanon and me, and informed us about the situation in the north.  Though his current whereabouts are unknown, since he tried transferring here with us, he’s probably somewhere in Mestria.

 

After bathing, our previously mud-covered bodies came out of the stream all cleaned up, and we dried ourselves in the autumn breeze which faintly carried the sweet fragrance of the forest.

 

Celes gently sat on a rock by the riverbank and gazed at the northern sky.  Her eyes moistened in the wind.  I approached her while glancing at the black pig who was innocently chasing a butterfly – he was probably overjoyed at being freed from being a corporate slave.

 

(Celes… I’m sorry.  This all happened because I took Nott with us…)

 

In response to my apology, she lightly shook her head as if she had already given up.

 

“It’s not Mister Pig’s fault.  Mr. Nott has always dreamed of changing Mestria in this way.  He was destined to leave, sooner or later.”

 

Celes looked at me attentively.

 

“Um…”

 

(What’s wrong?)

 

“How is Ms. Jess doing?”

 

(Ah.  With Nott’s help, we managed to make it to the capital safely.  Jess should be living happily over there.)

 

For whatever reason, I wasn’t in the mood to say much.  I-It’s not like I was shocked about not being able to meet Jess or anything like that, you got it?

 

“Oh… I’m sorry!  Um, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

 

She read my monologue!  Speaking of which, this was that kind of world, wasn’t it?

 

(Don’t worry about it…  Oh right, I know the trick to getting into the capital, so once you turn sixteen, I’ll help you enter it.)

 

“To the capital…  Yeah, it’ll be reassuring with Mr. Shitty Virgin around.”

 

Is that way of addressing me already set in stone…?  While I was thinking about that, the black pig suddenly approached me and snorted loudly.

 

─No, Cele-tan has plans to live together with No-kun and me.  Ok???

 

(Okay… Well, that works too…)

 

Although Sanon in many ways is kind of, you know… he’s still a kind guy with integrity, and quite smart too.  Since he said that, it might not be a bad idea to leave Celes up to him.

 

After all, I have someone el-

 

─There’s only one thing left for us to do now.  Mr. Lolipo, you should know what it is as well.

 

Sanon’s voice resounded in my head, snapping me out of it.  Did he notice the uneasiness in my heart?

 

I nodded firmly and dispelled those dark thoughts.

 

Just as there was a good reason for why I was transferred to Jess last time, there must be a reason why I was transferred to Celes instead of Jess this time.  The one who needs help the most right now isn’t Jess.  It’s Nott – the guy who became a gladiator in the north and whose life is being toyed with, and Celes – whose loved one was pulled away because of a shitty pig, resulting in them being separated.

 

(Of course.  Let’s go rescue Nott alongside Celes.)

 

＊＊＊

 

As soon as I raised my eyelids, the midday sunlight scorched my eyes.

 

The sandy arena was extremely large.  Thousands of ruthless spectators sat in the stone-built audience seats that formed a slope.  Today was a clear blue sky.  In front of me were – that’s good, it’s not humans this time – three lions, baring their fangs and roaring, chained up and waiting.

 

Though the arena is kept clean and tidy, people die here every day.  The dry sand on this wooden stage is replaced after the performance is over, and they discard the sand that’s been soaked in blood.

 

I came face-to-face with the lions inside the dry arena.  A low-pitched bell rang, and I could hear the sound of their chains becoming undone.  A deafening cry echoed through the arena.  Were they bellows, or perhaps cheers?

 

My left hand didn’t move.  I held one of my twin daggers with my right hand and took a fighting stance.

 

Beasts are but lumps of meat before a huntsman.

 

 

“Sure enough, that was amazing!  You were so cool, Master!”

 

A cheerful fourteen-year-old boy beamed from the other side of the gold-plated cage.  His name’s Bart.  He happily brought over the fodder for this prisoner that could die at any moment.  Today’s a clump of husk-filled grains.  I silently grabbed it and sank my teeth into it.  I haven’t eaten in a day.

 

“When you were being trampled on, I thought, even for Master, it was all over.  However!  I couldn’t have imagined that the blade you tucked underneath your arm would pierce the lion’s foot!  That must’ve meant you read your opponent’s movements, right?  I must say, that move made me feel pretty disgusting.”

 

He’s a chatty guy, almost like a puppy.  I was told his job was to feed the prisoners in the basement of the arena.  He seemed to like me a lot and would often talk to me.  It’s not like I had anyone else to talk to, so it didn’t bother me.  As I swallowed the grains, the husks scratched against my esophagus.

 

“A huntsman’s skill is defined by how far he can predict a beast’s movements.  For that reason, it’s important to accumulate a lot of experience to be able to go up against any number of different animals.  Keep at least this in mind if you want to be able to stand on your own.”

 

Bart’s eyes sparkled.

 

“I see!  Master sure is amazing.”

 

His response remained unchanged.  It made me wonder how well he actually understood my advice.  He seemed to be around the same age as Celes, but at that age, I think girls are more thoughtful than this.

 

“Hurry up and get back to work.  If you keep dawdling around this cage, you’ll end up rousing unwarranted suspicions.”

 

“Got it!  I’ll see you tomorrow, Master!”

 

Bart grinned and skipped like a rabbit as he disappeared into the darkness.  I was pulled back into the pitch-black solitude again.

 

This was the arena basement.  Slaves like me are confined here until death.  The sun doesn’t reach here, and rats scurry across the cold damp floor.  The only light around here comes from lanterns; the only way to tell time is by sensing the presence of the prison guards who bring the slaves to the stage, and by hearing the commotion caused by the audiences above.  It’s a dark and damp place made of wood, stone, and iron.  My cage alone is ironically decorated with gold.  For some reason, I appear to be given special treatment.

 

Since Bart left and I finished the fodder, there was nothing left for me to do as my eyelids drooped down.

 

“Get up.”

 

As I laid on the floor about to doze off, I heard a low female voice.  I plucked the pebble stuck on my arm and peered into the darkness outside the cage.

 

She was a girl with long blonde hair.  She looked to be fifteen or sixteen, and was dressed in dirty rags.  She had thin limbs, freckled cheeks, and emotionless eyes.  She wore a silver collar.  She’s a Yesma.

 

“…What is it?”

 

“I’ve been ordered to take you with me.”

 

“On whose order?”

 

“The new king’s.”

 

“King?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Who are you?  Why is Arogan asking for me?”

 

“I am Nuris.  I am one of the Yesmas working in this arena.  I just happened to be ordered, so I don’t know the new king’s intentions.”

 

She coldly spoke in an emotionless and indifferent tone.  She didn’t seem to be lying.

 

Nuris inserted a yellow rista into a rusty and heavy-looking chain and shackles before dropping it over here through the cage’s gaps.  The shackles slid across the floor and restrained my hands and feet from where I sat.

 

“I will guide you to the castle,” she said while unlocking the cage with the key that was linked to the shackles.

 

I dragged my chains across the dark path and was forced into a carriage just like that.  The Northern streets had few pedestrians and gave off a gloomy feel.  Through the iron-barred window, I spotted a house whose plaster, which must have been a soft color, had peeled off, revealing the earthy color walls underneath.  Nuris sat opposite of me and maintained her expressionless freckled face as she wordlessly gazed at the scenery outside.  I doubt this was a pleasant job.

 

It didn’t take long for the Northern royal castle to come into view.  The Ground Spider Castle.  It’s a sturdy stone castle built atop a barren mountain with deformed towers haphazardly built from wood and clay.  After climbing the barren mountain, the carriage passed through a black gate and entered the castle.  I was dragged off the carriage and led through the corridor by Nuris before stopping in front of a large iron door.

 

“My job here is done.”

 

Nuris said formally and stepped aside.

 

The door opened, and two prison guards with leather masks covering their faces led me inside.

 

“Raise your head.”

 

I heard a hoarse voice and turned to look at its owner.

 

An emaciated man sat on a stone throne.  He had dry and grey skin, eyes so sunken that they could hardly be seen, and wore a silver crown that looked like it was stuck to his temple.  It was like a mummy being forced to dress up.

 

“You should have died in agony.  But you’re tougher than I expected.  You’re still alive.”

 

“Does it bother you?”

 

“Of course not.  You’ll only prolong your suffering before death.”

 

The shoulders of the new king Arogan shook as he laughed unpleasantly.  It was like he was having a convulsion and a coughing fit at the same time.

 

“However, it won’t do to keep this as is.  It’s been exactly a month since you arrived here.  I can’t have you becoming the arena’s hero, now can I?”

 

“What are you planning?”

 

As I said that, Arogan pointed to the side using the long staff in his hand.

 

The door opened, and I could see into the next room.  There was a strangely reclined chair full of protrusions.  It was a torture chair.  It’s something that holds a person in place with restraints and continues to inflict pain on the target through its physical shape and via rista magic without injuring them.

 

I could feel my arms convulse like they were having a seizure as they were being held by the guards.

 

Standing next to the chair was a tall old man in a grey robe and hood that covered his eyes.  He gave the impression of being a shadow.  A piercing gaze came from the pair of golden eyes glowing beyond this shadow.

 

I was carried into the next room and tied to the torture chair.  The shadowy old man peered at my face, but all I could see was his long nose and golden eyes.

 

A low and terrifying voice came from underneath the hood.

 

“Now then, Nott, leader of the Liberation Army, just how much pain can you endure?”

 

＊＊＊

 

─That being said, I’m quite envious of you.

 

Sanon directed that at me while we were en route towards the mountain behind the village.  We had accepted Celes’ request to help her find something.

 

(Er, envious of what?)

 

─Mr. Lolipo’s nickname, you know, “scrawny four-eyed shitty virgin.”

 

(It’s a pretty degrading nickname that I accidentally established when I called myself that…  What’s there worth envying?)

 

─Wrong.  Isn’t it quite rare to have an innocent girl call you a shitty virgin?

 

Celes, who was relaying the otakus’ pointless conversation, suddenly tilted her head.

 

“Um, is it good thing to be called a shitty virgin by a girl…?”

 

An awkward silence followed after an innocent thirteen-year-old girl asked us that.

 

(There are some otakus in the world that would enjoy being scolded by girls.)

 

Confused, Celes tilted her head further at my explanation.

 

“Eh…?  Scolded…?  Is ‘shitty virgin’ a bad word?”

 

I seemed to have dug my own grave.  I turned to Sanon for help, and he nodded confidently.

 

─Cele-tan, it doesn’t mean something bad, but there are times where it can come across as bad.  There’s nothing wrong with calling this guy a shitty virgin, so there’s no problem for you to worry about.

 

…?  Forget it.  Since I do call myself that, I’ll have to accept his point.

 

Just when I figured the topic would end here, another question came up in Celes’ mind and she asked, “By the way, what exactly makes someone happy when they’re scolded by a girl?”

 

Urk.  This girl is a lot trickier than I expected.  Would you be able to provide a specific and logical explanation as to why you would enjoy being scolded by a girl?

 

“Specifically what… huh.”

 

I handed off the onus of explaining things to Sanon again.

 

─To scold someone, Cele-tan, is to establish an asymmetrical relationship where there’s a scolder and a scolded.  There’s a clear hierarchy in this relationship, which, in other words, makes it a domination relationship.  As long as they are dominated, they are free from all expectations and responsibilities.  And by being dominated by someone that they long for – a girl – a guy can bask in the fundamental desire of a man being cared for by a girl, while also reveling in the feeling of being liberated from the stress that they endure every day.  That’s why they enjoy it.

 

After hearing an otaku’s fast-talk explanation, Celes pondered for a bit.

 

“Then… should I also be scolding Mr. Sanon as well?”

 

─I agree with that.  I’d happily-

 

(Nonono, let’s forget about that.  After all, it’s not in Celes’ character to be scolding people, right?)

 

“That’s true,” Celes smiled and agreed whereas the black pig snorted in dissatisfaction.

 

That being said, his explanation was quite incisive.  Is Sanon the type of person that’s into this sort of thing?  Well, it’s not like I have the right to say anything since I oinked from excitement when Jess called me a pig…

 

While we were having this conversation, we arrived at the monastery ruins.  This was once the Bapsas monastery, but after the fire, only the stone foundation and parts of the destroyed walls remained.

 

(So what are you looking for, Celes?)

 

At my question, she averted her eyes briefly before responding.

 

“Erm… I’m not sure what I’m looking for.”

 

Hm?

 

“It’s something that Mr. Nott hid when he first returned to Bapsas.  He said it was something important, and that I should dig it up if he were to disappear…”

 

─So this was before I even met Cele-tan.  Do you know where it’s roughly located at?

 

With a lack of confidence, Celes pointed at the grassland next to the monastery in response to Sanon’s question.

 

“It should be somewhere there.”

 

─Any markers?

 

“Um… I forgot.  There probably isn’t one.  That’s why I wanted to ask Mister Pigs to help me find it.”

 

She forgot?

 

(Without any clues, it’ll be hard to find it in a meadow like this.  Can you remember anything?)

 

“Mr. Nott’s hands were smeared in dirt… so I believe he must have buried it in the ground with his hands…”

 

That’s a pretty weird clue.  I guess it’s fine, it might serve to help us find it.

 

(Okay, so Nott must’ve buried it.  As for when he first came back…)

 

“It was about two months ago.”

 

…Then it might be difficult to find via burying traces or Nott’s scent.

 

─Mr. Lolipo, let’s start by performing a pig wave attack and sweep across the meadow.

>TL Note: Human wave attack, except they’re pigs, so it’s a pig wave attack.

 

I nodded at Sanon’s suggestion.  It was evening already, so it won’t be long before it gets dark.

 

Doubts arose while I was searching.  Isn’t it odd that Nott told Celes to dig it up if he were to disappear, but she forgot about the most crucial marker?  Yet she appears to remember it was located around the meadow next to the monastery ruins.  What kind of half-baked memory is this?

 

Not to mention, Celes doesn’t even know what the important treasure is.  Why didn’t he tell her what is it?

 

Something didn’t sit right with me.

 

I should put that aside and stop nitpicking.  I owe Celes, so let’s focus on figuring out its burial spot.

 

Nott came to the monastery ruins in order to hide “something important.”  This place burned down five years ago, and as a result, his loved one – Ys, was kidnapped and murdered…

 

I get it now.  He chose this location which held a special meaning to him as his hiding spot.  The monastery ruins is quite far from the village hub.  Since he came all the way here, wouldn’t it be more fitting for him to choose a symbolic place rather than some random grass patch as the spot for burying something?

 

I tried looking around us.  This meadow was facing the monastery ruins.

 

(Hey, Celes.  Is there anything left of the monastery ruins that carries traces from the past?)

 

She came over to me and replied, “Hm… it hasn’t been used in a long time, but there’s an underground passageway that leads to the village.”

 

(No, that’s not what I meant…  I’m asking if there’s something that could act as a marker for hiding things.  Even a trace will do.)

 

“In that case, it could be…”

 

Celes trotted towards the monastery ruins.  Sanon and I followed suit.

 

“I was told nothing survived the fire from five years ago.  It was as if everything had been burned down by magic… but this tile-”

 

As she said that, Celes pointed at a square stone tile that was about 50 centimeters wide.  There were similar tiles strewn elsewhere, but this was the only one with a circular mark left on it.

 

“It’s said that someone’s collar fell here and wasn’t burned away, so only the spot where the collar covered remained unscorched.  Other than that, there’s not much worth mentioning…”

 

I see.  Although it doesn’t meet the condition of Nott having buried it in the ground with his hands, it’s worth a shot.

 

(Mr. Sanon, would you be capable of removing this tile?)

 

The black pig nodded.

 

─The tile next to it is gone, so it should be possible to move it to the side with No-kun’s or a pig’s strength.

 

Sanon pushed against the tile with his big nose.

 

Pigs are animals that dig up dirt with their snouts.  They carry enough strength to easily create holes in even the hardest soil.

 

The tile rumbled as it loosened.  It grinded against the fine gravel and was smoothly moved aside.  Then-

 

(Celes, look!  There’s something there!)

 

The dirt that should have been underneath the tile was instead a deep hole, and in it contained a jar of some sort.

 

Celes’ eyes widened and approached the hole before carefully taking the jar out with her slender arms.

 

“This is…”

 

The white porcelain jar had a lid on it.  The container was stout shaped, but the upper part was slightly shrunken and had a pitch-black loop around it.

 

I had a bad feeling about this.

 

(Is this…?)

 

“It’s… a collar.  It’s someone’s…  It’s a Yesma’s silver collar.”

 

─Cele-tan, I think it’s best not to open that lid.

 

However, Celes still placed the jar on the ground and opened its lid.

 

We peeked inside.  It contained white ashes and some obvious bone fragments.

 

Looking unnerved, Celes placed the lid back on.  The porcelain rubbed against each other, creating a whinny-like noise.

 

“I-I’m so sorry.  I was curious, so I couldn’t help myself…”

 

Is this cremation urn the thing Nott hid?  Judging by this blackened collar… the bones belonged to a Yesma.

 

(May I take a closer look at it?)

 

I informed them before moving my face close to the collar.

 

Suddenly-

 

As if it had been submerged in a reducing agent, the blackened collar instantly regained its silvery luster.

 

I took a step back in surprise.

 

(Sorry, what did I…?)

 

Celes looked at me with her large eyes.

 

“This collar…  It was probably worn by someone that Mr. Shitty Virgin knew of.”

 

(How can you tell?)

 

“Once a collar has lost its bearer, it will only regain its luster if someone adored by the Yesma who wore that collar comes near it…”

 

I shuddered.  Don’t tell me Jess…  No, that’s impossible.  That’s because her collar was split in half in front of me…

 

In other words, by process of elimination, this silver collar-

 

(I believe this belonged to a girl named Brace.  She’s a Yesma whom we met during our travels, and just before arriving at the capital, she lost her life at the Forest of Needles.)

 

She was a taciturn girl that liked to pray and had big breasts.

 

(Nott likely brought her collar and ashes back, and buried them here.)

 

Celes remained silent for some time, possibly out of shock, before muttering “I see…”

 

“Mr. Nott likes women with big breasts.”

 

She lowered her head and her gaze traced her upper body that lacked curves down to the tips of her feet.

 

I didn’t understand what she meant until I realized, she read my monologue!

 

(T-that’s not it, Celes!  Nothing happened between Nott and Brace…)

 

“I-I’m sorry… Um, I get it.  Sorry for… saying something so strange.”

 

While Celes apologized to me with her ears red, Sanon asked.

 

─What do we do with this, Cele-tan?  Do we take it back to the inn?

 

Hearing this, she vaguely shook her head while appearing a bit troubled.

 

Now I understand.

 

Judging by her confusion, it doesn’t look like this urn needed to be dug up.  I had something I needed to confirm with her.

 

(Hey Celes, I was wondering about this, but… Nott never actually told you to dig it up if he were to disappear, did he?)

 

─Um, Mr. Lolipo.

 

Sanon tried to stop me, but I persisted regardless.

 

(We’re your companions, Celes.  I’m sure we’ll be sharing many secrets with you from now on as well, so let’s not lie to each other.  I won’t be mad, so can you tell me the truth?  You spied on Nott hiding something around here and you got curious, so you wanted to find it, right?)

 

After a while, she nodded.

 

“…Yes.  After Mr. Nott left with Jess and Mister Pig, things got very serious, and when he was finally able to return to Bapsas… he was furtively carrying something, so I asked him what it was.  He then told me ‘It’s something important, but it’s better that you don’t know about it.’  …It bothered me, so… I secretly followed him.  I spotted him standing near the grass over there, but I was worried Mr. Rossi would notice me… so I…”

 

Nott had his dog partner, Rossi, with him.  Celes must’ve ran back in a panic because it seemed like Rossi was going to notice her.  When Nott returned, his hands were dirty from soil, so she tried searching the meadow.  However, she couldn’t find anything because it was hidden under a tile.

 

─I get it.  If the person you love is hiding something, you’ll naturally worry about it.

 

Sanon tried to smooth things over.

 

“I-It’s not because of love or anything!  It’s just that, when I think about how I might never see Mr. Nott again, I get scared…  I wanted something connected to him, even if it was ever so slightly, so I…  I’m so sorry, I… lied so Mister Pigs would help out…”

 

Celes’ eyes filled with tears.

 

(You don’t have to apologize.  I understand how you feel.)

 

When I found out Jess was hiding something from me, how restless was my heart?  When Jess and Nott were alone at the inn where Celes worked at, how did I feel?

 

Celes kept denying it, but I know the truth behind those helpless emotions.  Even if you tell yourself not to worry about it, there are just some things that you can’t do.

 

That’s why I must help Celes.

 

 

We placed the urn and collar back under the tile.

 

When we returned to the inn that had no guests, Celes’ mistress was there to greet us.

 

“I didn’t expect Mr. Sanon to return – and with Jess’ pig, no less.”

 

She was a plump redhead lady called Martha.  She was also the mastermind behind hiding the Yesmas in the monastery five years ago.  She appears to know Sanon very well, but I don’t believe we spoke to each other at all when we last met, so I carefully avoided the words “shitty virgin” and introduced myself.

 

Despite her gentle demeanor, Martha clearly denied our request to take Celes to Nott.

 

“It’s not happening.  I understand how you feel, but I can’t leave Celes with you again.”

 

Celes’ shoulders dropped in dismay in front of Martha, who had crossed her arms.

 

“It’s not because I have a problem with it…  Of course, I also don’t want to put Celes in danger again, but at the end of the day, a Yesma is supposed to be bound to the ‘house’ that she serves until she’s sixteen.  This is part of the contract with the royal dynasty.  As long as this house still stands, it’s normally not possible for Celes to leave her job and travel far away.  I lost to Sanon’s enthusiasm last time and ended up agreeing, but… there won’t be a second time.”

 

Celes hung her head and was more withdrawn than usual.  We weren’t able to come up with anything persuasive enough to convince Martha either.

 

─Thank you.  Let’s head back to my room.

 

Celes conveyed that to us and guided us two pigs to her room.

 

Her bedroom was the corner room of the inn, and it was much cleaner than the guest room that Jess had stayed in before.  Although it didn’t contain much, there were some neatly arranged girlish and fashionable furnishings.

 

The moment she entered her room, Celes walked straight towards her bed and dove head first onto it with a thwump.

 

The pig and black pig silently exchanged glances.

 

Even without Celes’ help, we knew what each other wanted to say.  She couldn’t leave Bapsas.  In which case, why did we arrive here?  To become a thirteen-year-old girl’s baby-sitter?

 

“Uu…”

 

A muffled voice broke the quiet atmosphere in the room.

 

It felt really awkward, but leaving the room wouldn’t do either.  I would’ve liked for us two to have a conversation to mask Celes’ voice, but unfortunately, we couldn’t talk.

 

“Oink?”

 

“…Oink.”

 

As expected, it was no good.  We couldn’t have a conversation.

 

I then noticed Celes sit up and turn towards us.  Her tears appeared to have been absorbed by the pillow, but her large eyes were red from hyperaemia.

 

“It might be a boring story, but… would you two be willing to listen to it…?”

 

(Sure, tell us.)

 

─Of course I’ll listen.

 

We responded.

 

Celes slowly opened her trembling lips.

 

“Um… it’s something that happened five years ago, when I just came here.  At the time, I was only eight years old.  I was in an unfamiliar place, I wasn’t good at work, I was always nervous, and I kept causing trouble for everyone.”

 

(That’s only natural.  Or rather, it’s abnormal for someone to be working at the age of eight.)

 

Celes lightly turned her head before continuing.

 

“I was a nuisance.  Everyone laughed at me and called me a skeleton or tree branch because I was thin and bony.  I was… really sad.”

 

She suddenly started monologuing, and I could only listen fixedly.

 

“Then one day, a man returned to the village.  He brought back the abducted Ms. Ys’ collar, and gifted it to Martha-sama.”

 

I didn’t need to ask who he was.  He’s the pride of this village, and currently the revolution’s hero – Nott.

 

“When we first met, Mr. Nott told me, ‘Your eyes remind me of the person I liked’ before roasting some delicious rabbit meat for me.  ‘But you’re too skinny, your boobs won’t grow like that.’ He said after.”

 

Don’t you think you like boobs way too much, young man?

 

“Ever since I met Mr. Nott, the people in the village looked at me differently.  Everyone began doting on me.  Mr. Nott is a hero.  He’s the subject of conversations, and someone that determines the atmosphere.  I’m sure it’s because he cared for me that everyone else did the same.”

 

Celes’ voice began to tremble again after finally managing to calm down.

 

“Ever since then, I’ve always admired Mr. Nott.  I know that as a Yesma, and as a child, I don’t have the right to fall in love.  But I can’t forget about Mr. Nott…  Even though he’s somewhere far away and could die at any moment, there’s nothing I can do here…”

 

She looked straight into my eyes.

 

“I can’t stand this.”

 

Celes abruptly ended her monologue, and after a wave of tears, she fell asleep from the exhaustion of crying.